Time for some realisation

My parents have been very strict with me. I often used to be hit for committing mistakes (i was an ill tempered kid and quite impulsive; often lost control on my actions). I had borne an anger towards them for treating me like that when all my friends used to be pampered by their parents. One of my aunts commented, on our first meeting, that girls are a burden on parents. This comment remained embedded in my mind. After a few months, I, coincidentally, overheard my father expressing his anger on my mother for not giving him a son. This aroused my anger even more. From then I built up a notion that my father doesn’t like me just because I am a girl. Though I loved him, there was this anger too. I had built a desperation of proving myself better than a son. Better than my male cousins and proving my entire family wrong that girls are a burden. I grew up into a rebellious kid. Had a lot of fights with dad. I never seemed to agree with at anything. I hated staying at home. That’s why I argued my way to Bangalore. I always thought, why me?? Why does everything tragic has to happen with me??
Today, I read the blog of one of my classmates from school. Her dad disowned her just because she was a girl. Never saw her face after the sixth year of her birth. That’s when I realised how wrong I was towards my dad. Even he could have disowned me. He could me thrown me in a garbage bin right after my birth. But no, he raised me. Fulfilled all my wishes; how much ever difficulty he faced yet he gave me the best of everything, branded clothes, shoes, gadgets; I am very fussy about food, that’s why I fall sick easily, though he scolded me, he didn’t neglect my treatment; got me educated from one of the best schools in my home town Siliguri. Now I am studying in one of the top colleges in not only Bangalore but also in India.
   I have now realised I am not only rebellious, but spoilt as well. Not only by my dad (mom is more strict,was always against spoiling me, but yet she is close to me) but also by my extended family……
I felt so guilty today. I called my mom and told her everything I felt. But couldn’t get the courage to talk to dad.

I am sorry Baba.

P.S. you have to agree that sometimes you were wrong as well

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9 thoughts on “Time for some realisation”

  1. Oh Priya!
    We are indeed lucky to have such caring fathers. But my dad has two daughters, and he has never resented not having a male child. He taught us to be just as strong. Even our mum.
    I’m very sure he loves you, and he must have regretted saying that he didn’t have a male child.
    You go, girl!

    Like

  2. What a lovely, honest post, Priya. It’s sad that you’ve spent so many years believing your dad didn’t love you. I can understand the need to prove you’re as good as a son, or male cousin. I hope you can make things better between yourself and your dad.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. All families have verbal quarrels, but when it comes down to it, they all still care about each other. At least things have improved for you both, so let’s hope they just carry on getting better.

        Like

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