I just turned 20 yesterday (30th August, 2015). Next year I will turn 21, then 22, on and on and on. As the years pass by, my youth will gradually slip away and someday my skin will be wrinkled 2-3 folds, no teeth, eyesight will be poor, my back will bend. I will be weak, lean, always needing someone’s help.
Noooooooooooo. I don’t want this. NO. NEVER.
Had the fountain of youth existed, I would have drank the water when the clock struck midnight the day I turned 16. I wish I could remain 16 forever…..
Had my neighbor on the plane/bus/train been a chatty person, I would have been on alert for some time, it’s obvious, isn’t it? Some stranger trying to be too friendly. But once I’m convinced he/she is harmless, I may join in the ramble, cause I’m a talkative person as well! So maybe he/she could turn out to be my new bff, after all our existing friends we also strangers once upon a time 😉
I was in my tenth grade of school the year I turned 16. It was my last year in my heaven (I changed my school in eleventh grade).
The sixteen-year old me was carefree, impulsive with short temper. Talkative!! My teachers were tired of complaining to my parents. I was a rebellious kid. I was enjoying life. Enjoying school which was is in a festive mood that year as we were celebrating its 50th anniversary.
The thing about me that I wish I could have changed was my short temper. The thing I wish hadn’t changed is my carefree nature.
I belong to a small town in the state of West Bengal in India. Named Siliguri. It’s on the foothills of the Darjeeling hills. It’s like any other Bengali city, but Siliguri isn’t as advanced as the capital city Kolkata. When i was a kid, the city didn’t have malls, multiplex movie theatres, clubs, or five star hotels. No discotheques even. Swimming pools were only in the two most luxurious three star hotels. The guests and members and people who subscribed for swimming training classes could use. The fees for training was high and the hotel is away from the main city, so not anyone and everyone could use. Now there are malls, multiplexes, discos, and also a club and a five star hotel. The city has changed a lot within the last 20 years of my life.
One can find three prominent groups of people- Bengalis, Marwaris and the Nepalese. So there’s Bengali, Hindi and Nepali spoken mostly.
Judging by economic status, one can find people below poverty line, the middle class and also millionaires. Most Marwaris are businessmen and are among the richest in the city. Bengalis and Nepalese can be seen in all fields and strata.
Compared to the metropolitan cities, Siliguri’s economic condition is not too good, but at least the cost of living is cheaper. Moreover day by day our city is becoming a business hub in the northern part of West Bengal.
If pills could get us all nutrition, life would have been easier. No need to rise early in the morning, hurrying through the kitchen to make breakfast before heading for work. No worrying about grabbing lunch between meetings and conferences. No worrying about how to maintain an appropriate balanced diet day in and day out because that chore would be done by a couple of tiny colourful pills. Which means, no need to worry about our physique (*flirtatious whistle* 😉 ).
But, won’t we be doing injustice to those poor taste buds embedded in our tongues???? It won’t get to taste the saltiness of cheese, the sweetness of honey and ripe mangoes, the tanginess of lemons and oranges, the bitterness of healthy bitter gourds.
Our teeth would be jobless. The olfactory organs wouldn’t get to smell anything delicious, that stimulates our vagus nerves and get us salivating, what a pity!!!!
The special cuisine of a country or a province becomes a part of its culture, it’s heritage. These colourful diet pills would destroy the world heritage!!!
Pills would make life easier for me, I wouldn’t have to think much about those vegetables I don’t like eating but are healthy, I wouldn’t have a single nutrient deficiency. I would have a perfect body. But I cannot think about not eating food!!! I like dosas and hilsa fish, tandoori chicken and hakka noodles, pizzas and spinach and corn sandwiches, mangoes and strawberries, cheese and paneer.
Whenever I wrote something related to me and personally me, I had this constraint in me about what will people who know me think about me and other nonsense.
But today I break off from all constraints… I have to get rid of all the pressure that’s killing me
I’m the only child to a Bengali middle class businessman father and a homemaker mother. My Father is quite orthodox, mother…… I dunno, she is too stuck to the tradition that the wife should live in accordance with the husband’s demands.
I belong to a huge family with plenty of uncles aunts cousins. One part of my family still lives in Bangladesh. Rest lives here in India.
Kids generally get lot of attention… When I was born I was the only kid then; I have an older cousin, but she was clinging to her mother all the time and I was the one who jumped on anyone who would take me out. So I got a lot of attention. I got used to it. My parents also wouldn’t leave me all alone anywhere, not even within the house right till I left hometown for college (that’s why I have so much problems living all on my own now in a new city)
As I grew up, all my uncles and aunts got married, now they have their own children, got busy in their lives. The attention got lost. My father, he fulfills his responsibilities of a father, but didn’t really seem to make an effort to build a relationship a father and a daughter generally has.
During the first few years of school, I was an ill tempered, impulsive kid. I often got into fights and got into troubles. My parents were quite strict, they still are. I got hit badly every time I did something wrong.
The attention I was got used to, day by day dwindled. I craved for it. I had friends in school, but sometimes I felt, they actually still didn’t like me much, maybe because of the person I was as a kid. The reason I felt so because in school I saw some real good friends, always together, who understood each other so well, who were strong pillars of support to one another in all ups and downs. They reminded me of friends I often read about in novels or watched in movies or TV shows. But I didn’t have friends like that. Not only in school, now in college too I find myself alone.
I am always misunderstood. Not only by friends but by everyone. There too I didn’t get attention. I always try my best to be a good friend to my friends but still…. I am misunderstood.
My mother too doesn’t understand me. My father…….. I wish he was as good a father to me as he is a brother to his siblings and cousins.
I spent 12 out of 14 years of school life (including nursery and kindergarten) in an all girls convent school. Didn’t require to be friends with boys. And as I said, dad is conservative. So I didn’t even talk to boys from other schools who went to the same tutorial classes. I started speaking to boys when I was in 11th grade, when I shifted to a co-ed school. Even in the new school, I didn’t have “friends”.
Though I have calmed down a lot, but I’m still impulsive. Which isn’t accepted by most. In college, some people were good enough but again mostly my impulsiveness wasn’t accepted.
I befriended with a guy for the first time. I may not be able to share everything with him but still I felt less isolated in the new city. But all of a sudden things changed. We don’t hang around. He behaves differently. And I got affected by it. Now I realise we weren’t even friends. How stupid of me!!
As time went by, I realised, I have become an attention seeker. And when I don’t get the attention I get depressed. I feel isolated, lonely, suffocated.
I don’t find anyone who can understand me. My mother sometimes she understands, mostly she doesn’t. Out of my so many paternal aunts, I have a favorite. But I can’t tell her everything, especially when I’m affected by my father, because she loves my father a lot. And I just can’t explain to her than he is a different person when he is a brother and a different person altogether when he is a husband and a father. I felt his utmost priority is his family, as in, his brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, blah blah blah. Then comes his wife and daughter. This hurts me a lot.
My mother she has no choice but to support her husband in almost everything. I don’t have a sibling. My older cousins aren’t in India. My younger cousins are too young.
I am left all alone…….
Then isn’t it normal that at times I act insane????
Someday I will have a best friend all my own. One I can tell my secrets to. One who will understand my jokes without my having to explain them. Until then I am a red balloon, a balloon tied to an anchor
I dunno why, I’m feeling some sort of perpetual boredom….. It feels something is missing in life….. the worst part is I have no idea what. Today I feel all the more bored. I woke up in the morning with a feel of incompleteness. I blogged today like I do every Sunday. For a long time I sat quietly, listening to my favorite songs, trying to figure out what’s missing. I feel some emptiness.
I don’t know what’s happening, neither do I know who can give the answer…….
This year I seem to be drunk on books. One after the other I go on reading……
When I am not on books I’m found on songs.
Romantic songs…. those romantic Bollywood songs, that make you feel “fairy tale”-ish……….. I imagine myself waltz around in the rain with an imaginary partner ❤ ❤ ❤
Right now I'm high on "main hoon hero tera", by Salman Khan. Wait I'm high even on Armaan Malik's version. Same song, two singers; doesn't make much of a difference on my "high"ness.
I don’t think I ever got over the hangover of Galliyan Banjara, in short the entire Ek Villain album
Ishq wala love remains my most favorite
When I’m traveling by a bus or car, sitting by the window seat, with cool air whipping my face, these songs become cherries on the cake of my dreams.
Sometimes, sitting in the dark with my mobile phone or a mp3 player, all my stress, monotony vanish into thin air……..
Music can affect us….. it beautifully plays with or various moods….
Parties are incomplete without some peppy songs…
Indian weddings without songs is like sugarcane without sugar
Music can connect souls more easily than mere dialogues or actions…..
P.S. heroes sing such beautiful songs to heroines. When will somebody sing for me??? 😛 O:-)
Word of the Week is a weekly meme created by Heena Rathore P. It’s a fun way to learn new words every week.
To participate just make a post with your word and leave the link as a comment to Heena’s WOW post.
1. Cause to be confused emotionally
Synonyms: bemuse, bewilder, throw
2. Be confusing or perplexing to; cause to be unable to think clearly Example: these questions discombobulate even the experts Synonyms: baffle, beat, befuddle, bedevil, bewilder, confound, confuse, dumbfound, flummox, puzzle, fuddle, vex, stupefy
Thanks to my dear friend Pari for nominating me for this award
Thank the blogger who nominated you.
Display the award on your blog.
Answer all the questions given to you by your nomination.
Nominate 11 other bloggers who have less than 200 followers.
Create 11 questions for your nominees to answer
Questions from Pari:
1. You are teleported to the land of the last book you read. How screwed are you?
Very much screwed. The book I finished up a few hours ago was “Chronicle of a death foretold” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. The book left me dazed. The story is about a murder about which almost the entire town knew about before it took place (the murderers literally announced their plan), except the victim, his mother (the only family member of the victim) and no one does anything to prevent the mishap. My reaction was like “what the hell just happened?”
2. Which is the one book that you are dying to buy/read?
City of Bones (The Mortal instruments #1) by Cassandra Clare
3. How easy is it to access books where you live? Physical copies, I mean.
There’s a book mall near my college, so I can stop by while going back home
4. Which is the first book that you read?
I started reading since I was in preschool, how am I supposed to remember?
5. Who was your first best friend?
Shrestha Paul, she is supposed to be my mother’s cousin but she is younger to me by 10 months and we have grown up together, studied in same school same class since nursery
6. What’s the biggest lie that you’ve ever told? And to whom?
I am generally bad at lying. I usually tell small innocent white lies
7. What’s the one thing you fear most?
Fear of being isolated
8. If you are a single child, do you wish to have siblings? If you aren’t, tell us about them.
Sometimes I do wish to have siblings, sometimes I love being the only child. My wish of having siblings however got fulfilled when my twin cousin sisters came into my life, I raised them like I would raise my siblings
9. How did you come across WordPress?
From my creative writing certificate course classes (you too Pari, LOL)
10. What inspires you to write?
My mood swings
11. What are your thoughts on Classic Lit?
In one sentence, Classic literature is evergreen
Now my questions
1. If you were to get into the shoes of some literary character, who would that be and why?
2. If I ask you to recommend me a book, which would that be and why?
3. If you were told that you have to stay in an isolated island for a month and you would be allowed to take a 5 amenities what would those be (in an isolated island you won’t be phone network or Wi-Fi, so think about it)? If the list includes a book, which one and why?
4. If one day you were given the power to get into the mind of ONE person. Only One. Who would that person be and why?
5. Who was your first crush? (A celeb crush will also do. 😉 )
6. The career that you have chosen, do you think you are meant for it? did you ever have a moment of regret?
7. When did you start blogging? What/who made a blogger out of you?
8. Say something about you
9. Which genre of books do you prefer fiction/nonfiction/fantasy?
10. Is there any song that personally connects with you?
11. Tell me something about your first extra special family time