Can’t take it anymore

I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve lost all control on my temper, I feel dejected, my self esteem is running in negative. I feel lonely all the time. Nothing cheers me up for long. I’m irritated almost all the time, I burst out for no reason, any time, at anyone near me. There’s too much negativity around me. Too much psychological pressure on me. Can’t take it anymore. I hate waking up in the morning. I’m fed up of everything. Worst part, I don’t know what I actually want from life.

This is spoiling my relationship with friends and my parents. There’s no one who can understand me. I thought my parents would, but even they refuse to understand, they feel I’m doing this just to torture them.

Sometimes older siblings become your saviour but I don’t even have one (neither a younger).

I don’t want to torture anyone, I myself feel tortured. I feel like running away to some far away place or simply kill myself.

But I don’t have the guts to hurt myself. I don’t know what to do, crying also isn’t helping much, so I’m writing it down here.

I can’t take this pressure anymore. I want peace. I want to live the life of a normal 21 year old college girl. I want to live a burden free. I want to be happy. But not even God is listening to me

With love,
Priya….

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41 thoughts on “Can’t take it anymore”

  1. “I was happy swinging from my favorite swing in the park… the cool breeze soothing me… my mummy’s giggles and my papa’s shoulder. Friends and our bond.. things seemed perfect and I was collecting dreams in my mind… hopes and dreams of wonders….
    But then “life” happened and everything got lost in the hustle. Reality hit hard and hopes and dreams turned into disappointment and nightmares.”

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    1. So I’m not alone it seems. I’ve been so much around people that I find it difficult to handle life alone. That’s why I guess I’m breaking down. If there was at least one person beside me I would get all the strength to dash through all struggles. It’s so ironic, I want to be independent but I’m craving for somebody by my side

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      1. Misunderstandings were there all throughout. Even when I was at home till two years back. Thought after leaving home it might move towards betterment, but I was wrong. My relationship with my dad was improving but again back to square one. With mom, it was better at home but now it’s a havoc. I find myself so alone. You can stay mum, but I’m a talkative person, it’s so hard to stay quiet, inspite of being aware that quietness is good at times.

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      2. True… I can understand. My relationship is turning into a dead end with my family.
        I can understand. Thats what the challenge is all about. U need to find out what eases ua soul.

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  2. Do you like going for walks? Not for the exercise purpose..but just walk in general, admire the nature around you..notice people. You will be quite surprised at the things you see. We are always in a hurry, slow down..make time to enjoy the simple joys of life

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    1. Thanks a lot. One of my friends also advised me the same thing, but I’m so occupied worrying about exams and all things materialistic that I don’t give myself an opportunity to observe nature

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  3. After just reading your post about how happy you were to be going to Bangalore, I’m really sorry to discover how low you are now. But I understand how you feel and many people of your age feel the same way. Pressures come at us from all sides and can easily overwhelm us. I’m not sure that a counselor would help, if you have one at your college. When I was your age, long walks helped the most. Just don’t give in Priya, and perhaps the company of friends would help.

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