Posted in Cover Reveal, shout out loud

Deceived — Cover Reveal

My friend Heena Rathore P. is releasing her first novel Deceived and I’m honoured to reveal the book cover on my blog. She’s a wonderful writer and has also graciously agreed to be my wrying mentor. I’m really excited for this book, I’ve been waiting from the time she started writing it.

Good luck buddie! May this book be a huge success.







How well do you know your loved ones?


A girl who’s trying to cope with the murders of her mother and five-year-old brother.

A journalist who is chasing the ghost of a potential serial killer.

A thirteen-year-old girl who slaughters her parents.

And a revenge-driven psychopath who is about to destroy everyone’s life.


A psychological thriller that weaves its way through the sadistic past of a traumatized child to the snare of dark mysteries of a beloved father.


Add to your Goodreads to-read shelf

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About Heena Rathore P.:

Small one

Heena Rathore P. is a 25-year-old full-time novelist, part-time Social Media Strategist, Novel Critique, Book Reviewer and a YouTube Podcaster.

She draws her inspiration from the works of legendary Stephen King and Sidney Sheldon.

She is an introvert, a thinker, a neat freak, a voracious reader and a GSD-lover. In her free time, she loves watching apocalyptic, thriller and slasher movies and series.

She lives in Pune with her beloved husband in a house full of books, music, and love.


She loves creating fictional worlds, but more than that she loves living in them.






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Life’s BLEH

I wanted to be loved
I wanted to love
I wanted to live
I wanted to smile
But unfortunately….
Life is not a “wish granting factory”

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I wish you were there
When I felt alone
I wish you hugged me
When I was morose
I wish you you cuddled me
When I was angry
I wish you made me laugh
When I was depressed

But my wish will always remain a wish
You moved on
And I remain lovelorn

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I’ve noticed that I most of the time do something or the other to embarrass myself or the people around me, mostly being the people around me. My parents think whenever I speak in public, it’s only to embarrass them or ruin their reputation in the society.
My friends get embarrassed because I speak (unknowingly) loudly or because at times I speak my heart out without thinking.
Some think I use a fake girly tone of speaking, just because I’m expressive when I speak.

Why is it when I speak, it becomes a nuisance? But if the same set of words are used by somebody, that becomes a part of some conversation?

Why do I have to face so much of injustice? Why?

Could anyone please give me an answer?


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Can I get a kilo of peace please?

I’m lacking peace in life. I left home looking for a new life and some peace of mind.

I’m still looking for some peace, I haven’t found yet.

Can anyone tell me where can I find peace?

Don’t tell me in a bottle of alcohol, it tastes awful and I don’t wanna harm my precious liver.

I desperately want some peace.

Please help me find some, a kilo of it would do!

With love,

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Can’t take it anymore

I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve lost all control on my temper, I feel dejected, my self esteem is running in negative. I feel lonely all the time. Nothing cheers me up for long. I’m irritated almost all the time, I burst out for no reason, any time, at anyone near me. There’s too much negativity around me. Too much psychological pressure on me. Can’t take it anymore. I hate waking up in the morning. I’m fed up of everything. Worst part, I don’t know what I actually want from life.

This is spoiling my relationship with friends and my parents. There’s no one who can understand me. I thought my parents would, but even they refuse to understand, they feel I’m doing this just to torture them.

Sometimes older siblings become your saviour but I don’t even have one (neither a younger).

I don’t want to torture anyone, I myself feel tortured. I feel like running away to some far away place or simply kill myself.

But I don’t have the guts to hurt myself. I don’t know what to do, crying also isn’t helping much, so I’m writing it down here.

I can’t take this pressure anymore. I want peace. I want to live the life of a normal 21 year old college girl. I want to live a burden free. I want to be happy. But not even God is listening to me

With love,

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I sometimes wish I was born mute. Because whenever I speak I land up hurting or offending people. Many a times, I didn’t intend to hurt people but still they were hurt.
The problem is that I often fail to understand what effect some words have on people; impulsive as I am, I speak whatever comes to my mind, later I realise how terrible I was. But till then the damage has been done. I have hurt family, friends, everyone.

The most befitting punishment should be isolation. Complete isolation. Terrible people like me deserve neither family nor friends. All I deserve is loneliness. I lessen my communication to people. Then only I can save myself and others from such situations

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Breaking free

Whenever I wrote something related to me and personally me, I had this constraint in me about what will people who know me think about me and other nonsense.

But today I break off from all constraints… I have to get rid of all the pressure that’s killing me

I’m the only child to a Bengali middle class businessman father and a homemaker mother. My Father is quite orthodox, mother…… I dunno, she is too stuck to the tradition that the wife should live in accordance with the husband’s demands.

I belong to a huge family with plenty of uncles aunts cousins. One part of my family still lives in Bangladesh. Rest lives here in India.

Kids generally get lot of attention… When I was born I was the only kid then; I have an older cousin, but she was clinging to her mother all the time and I was the one who jumped on anyone who would take me out. So I got a lot of attention. I got used to it. My parents also wouldn’t leave me all alone anywhere, not even within the house right till I left hometown for college (that’s why I have so much problems living all on my own now in a new city)

As I grew up, all my uncles and aunts got married, now they have their own children, got busy in their lives. The attention got lost. My father, he fulfills his responsibilities of a father, but didn’t really seem to make an effort to build a relationship a father and a daughter generally has.

During the first few years of school, I was an ill tempered, impulsive kid. I often got into fights and got into troubles. My parents were quite strict, they still are. I got hit badly every time I did something wrong.

The attention I was got used to, day by day dwindled. I craved for it. I had friends in school, but sometimes I felt, they actually still didn’t like me much, maybe because of the person I was as a kid. The reason I felt so because in school I saw some real good friends, always together, who understood each other so well, who were strong pillars of support to one another in all ups and downs. They reminded me of friends I often read about in novels or watched in movies or TV shows. But I didn’t have friends like that. Not only in school, now in college too I find myself alone.

I am always misunderstood. Not only by friends but by everyone. There too I didn’t get attention. I always try my best to be a good friend to my friends but still…. I am misunderstood.

My mother too doesn’t understand me. My father…….. I wish he was as good a father to me as he is a brother to his siblings and cousins.

I spent 12 out of 14 years of school life (including nursery and kindergarten) in an all girls convent school. Didn’t require to be friends with boys. And as I said, dad is conservative. So I didn’t even talk to boys from other schools who went to the same tutorial classes. I started speaking to boys when I was in 11th grade, when I shifted to a co-ed school. Even in the new school, I didn’t have “friends”.

Though I have calmed down a lot, but I’m still impulsive. Which isn’t accepted by most. In college, some people were good enough but again mostly my impulsiveness wasn’t accepted.
I befriended with a guy for the first time. I may not be able to share everything with him but still I felt less isolated in the new city. But all of a sudden things changed. We don’t hang around. He behaves differently. And I got affected by it. Now I realise we weren’t even friends. How stupid of me!!

As time went by, I realised, I have become an attention seeker. And when I don’t get the attention I get depressed. I feel isolated, lonely, suffocated.

I don’t find anyone who can understand me. My mother sometimes she understands, mostly she doesn’t. Out of my so many paternal aunts, I have a favorite. But I can’t tell her everything, especially when I’m affected by my father, because she loves my father a lot. And I just can’t explain to her than he is a different person when he is a brother and a different person altogether when he is a husband and a father. I felt his utmost priority is his family, as in, his brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, blah blah blah. Then comes his wife and daughter. This hurts me a lot.

My mother she has no choice but to support her husband in almost everything. I don’t have a sibling. My older cousins aren’t in India. My younger cousins are too young.

I am left all alone…….

Then isn’t it normal that at times I act insane????

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I dunno why, I’m feeling some sort of perpetual boredom….. It feels something is missing in life….. the worst part is I have no idea what. Today I feel all the more bored. I woke up in the morning with a feel of incompleteness. I blogged today like I do every Sunday. For a long time I sat quietly, listening to my favorite songs, trying to figure out what’s missing. I feel some emptiness.

I don’t know what’s happening, neither do I know who can give the answer…….

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Songaholic :-P

This year I seem to be drunk on books. One after the other I go on reading……
When I am not on books I’m found on songs.
Romantic songs…. those romantic Bollywood songs, that make you feel “fairy tale”-ish……….. I imagine myself waltz around in the rain with an imaginary partner ❤ ❤ ❤
Right now I'm high on "main hoon hero tera", by Salman Khan. Wait I'm high even on Armaan Malik's version. Same song, two singers; doesn't make much of a difference on my "high"ness.


I don’t think I ever got over the hangover of  Galliyan Banjara, in short the entire Ek Villain album


Ishq wala love remains my most favorite


When I’m traveling by a bus or car, sitting by the window seat, with cool air whipping my face, these songs become  cherries on the cake of my dreams.

Sometimes, sitting in the dark with my mobile phone or a mp3 player, all my stress, monotony vanish into thin air……..

Music can affect us….. it beautifully plays with or various moods….
Parties are incomplete without some peppy songs…
Indian weddings without songs is like sugarcane without sugar
Music can connect souls more easily than mere dialogues or actions…..


P.S. heroes sing such beautiful songs to heroines. When will somebody sing for me??? 😛 O:-)

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Goodreads Book Reading Challenge

Its only June and I have completed my Goodreads 2015 reading challenge of reading 15 books this year. I set only 15 because I thought I wouldn’t get time to read much. But I did ( *grin* ). ok, here are the books I have read since January:

  1. Nightfall (The Vampire Diaries: The Return #1) – L.J. Smith      4-stars
  2. The Vampire Diaries DC Comics #1     3half-stars
  3. The Vampire Diaries DC Comics #2   3half-stars
  4. The Vampire Diaries DC Comics #3   3half-stars
  5. The Vampire Diaries DC Comics #4   3half-stars
  6. The Vampire Diaries DC Comics #5    3half-stars
  7. True Betrayal – Nora Roberts  4half-stars
  8. The Ramayana – R.K. Narayan  2-stars
  9. Lajja – Taslima Nasrin       3-stars
  10. World’s Best Boyfriend – Durjoy Datta     4-stars
  11. The Mirror Crack’d from side to side – Agatha Christie  4-stars
  12. Rage of Angels – Sidney Sheldon      4half-stars
  13. Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy #1) – Richelle Mead  4half-stars
  14. A Walk to Remember – Nicholas Sparks  5-stars
  15. Medea – Euripides  2-stars

(P.S. the ratings are according to the rating system formulated by Heena Rathore P. of The Reading Bud )

I know that the list has too many vampire fiction, but what to do ? I love them.

I won’t review the books in the conventional way they are because I am awful in writing reviews. So I am just going to share some opinions regarding them.

I read The Ramayana and Medea only because I had to for my Additional English exam. Medea is much simpler than Sophocles’ plays and short too. But it isn’t meant for me. Regarding The Ramayana, Was I reading for my own interest then maybe I would read “Sita” by Devdutt Patnaik rather than R.K Narayan’s version because in my opinion Patnaik’s version is more critical and I would rather be more critical on mythology.

Coming to my favourite The Vampire Diaries I liked L.J. Smith’s and the TV versions more than the DC comics version. The comics have all new story but they couldn’t grasp my attention as much as L.J. Smith and the TV show could.

When I read Vampire Academy for the first time I got bored. Actually it was my fault. I was stereotyping the novel, comparing it with other vampire fictions that I had already read, like the Twilight Saga and The Vampire Diaries series. When I discussed my views with one of my blogger friends, she advised me to first watch the movie. I really liked the movie, unconventional but really good. Then, I tried reading the book again, and its equally good.

The same thing happened with A Walk to Remember, I was bored on my first attempt. On my aforementioned friend’s advise, I tried again and I just loved it. At the end, my tears betrayed me but I sincerely felt for Landon and Jamie from within. I really enjoyed my first attempt of Nicholas Sparks’ writing.

True Betrayal, my first Nora Roberts book, loved the way the relationship between a mother and a daughter who meet after 20 years has been portrayed. The daughter was told throughout her childhood and adolescence that her mother was no more but actually she was in prison, found guilty of murder. The story is basically about how Kelsey (the daughter) confronts the truth about Naomi (the mother), tries to understand Naomi’s point of view about the murder case she was involved in and the reason why she kept her existence a secret, rebuilds her bond with her mother and at last proves to the world that Naomi wasn’t a cold-murderess but had killed in self-defense. Not only the basic story was beautifully depicted in words but also gave a good insight about thoroughbreds, derbies and everything that happens in the business of horses (Naomi had a horse farm and sent her horses for derbies); something I didn’t have the slightest idea about.

In World’s Best Boyfriend, there was nothing out of the box but I enjoyed the love-hate relationship of Dhruv and Aranya.

Lajja is based on a true story, the Babri Masjid riots in Bangladesh, but somehow it felt little bit of a drag to me. For pages together there were a list of names of some random Hindu people who were tortured by the Muslims, of  some random Hindu areas that were ransacked, burned or looted. Much less was told about the Hindu family which was given some limelight in the story.

I was planning to try Sidney Sheldon’s works when one of my friends advised that I could try Rage of Angels because it wasn’t Mills and Boon-esque like his other novels. And its actually good. The story depicts the protagonist as a strong minded lady, never afraid to face the world, a tactful lawyer, lawfully manipulating the law in her favour.  She is sensitive not fragile (her fragility was projected only when she lost her son). I like when women are depicted strong, determined, at par with men, not just as mere eye candy.

The Mirror Crack’d From Side to Side is my second book by Agatha Christie but first of Miss Marple series. Miss Marple is old, not as active physically like the other well-known detectives, but mentally she is more active than normal 70 year olds (According to the novel “At Bertram Hotel” her age is aprrox. 74), she has a remarkable memory power, always has an incident in the present to compare with a parallel incident in the past, and the past maybe a long time back. Its really sad that there are only a few female detectives in the literary world, crime fiction fans need more detectives like her.









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Nature’s conspiracies

How much ever daredevil one tries to be, no one has enough courage to face death. No one wants to die. At least not by a terrible accident. In old age when you are chained down by disease and disabilities, its easy to face death because at that stage only death could cause all pains and sufferings to subside. But none wants a death by accident.

It’s a universal truth, we humans can do anything. But we can’t fight fate and nature. Nature happens to be a shrewd conspirator, just like us……..

Today when I opened my eyes, I thought it would be like any other cloudy day. The something new in it was that today for the very first time I cast my vote. After my responsibility towards my city was fulfilled, I went off to meet my childhood buddy who lives just a few yards from my house. I met her after 6 long months. It was hardly 15 minutes I was there when my friend said “Is the sofa shaking on its own or are you shaking it?” I said,” If the sofa is shaking why isn’t the table?” At this her mom scolded her saying,” If you don’t eat, not only the sofa, the entire world will……. O My God!!! It’s an earthquake!! Run!!” Everyone rushed towards the door. We stopped for a moment, hoping it would stop in a few seconds, because tremors are common in a high earthquake zone like our city Siliguri. But no; instead the intensity kept increasing. We literally ran down the stairs and went to their garden, knowing full well that it wouldn’t help much because the garden is small clustered with huge jackfruit trees, the trees were likely to fall on us. The quakes went on for about 2 minutes. I was worried for my Mum, who was recovering from her post-surgery complications. I was worried for my Dad who wasn’t at home. I was worried for my little cousins. I was really very worried for my maternal Grand-dad whose body was paralyzed on the left side. I wanted to rush home after the quake stopped but i couldn’t. My limbs were shivering with fear. And at times of need, technology is generally found to lie lame. If I could make one call, 50 other calls went disconnected. I could speak to Mum once. Got to speak with Dad. Couldn’t get to Granny so I called my maternal uncle instead. Then I rushed home, saw for my own eyes that everyone was safe, even Dad had come home by then. Made 10-20 calls to make sure our family and friends were safe.

Yes, the earthquake was massive with around 7.5 Richter scale magnitude and Lamjung at Nepal as epicentre. There were around 22 casualties in our city. But our neighbour Nepal is in a huge mess. Around 17 after shocks, over 800 people have lost their lives. Buildings and roads devastated. Even Bangladesh experienced the quake with similar intensity which isn’t common there.

Now and then memories from 18 September, 2011, when there was a 6.8 Richter Scale earthquake, kept flashing back. There were similar moments of panic, fear of death, worry for our loved ones, similar scenes of devastation.

I don’t understand what is in Nature’s mind, what conspiracy is she planning against us ??? I don’t see “ ecological balance ” in such devastation.

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Time for some realisation

My parents have been very strict with me. I often used to be hit for committing mistakes (i was an ill tempered kid and quite impulsive; often lost control on my actions). I had borne an anger towards them for treating me like that when all my friends used to be pampered by their parents. One of my aunts commented, on our first meeting, that girls are a burden on parents. This comment remained embedded in my mind. After a few months, I, coincidentally, overheard my father expressing his anger on my mother for not giving him a son. This aroused my anger even more. From then I built up a notion that my father doesn’t like me just because I am a girl. Though I loved him, there was this anger too. I had built a desperation of proving myself better than a son. Better than my male cousins and proving my entire family wrong that girls are a burden. I grew up into a rebellious kid. Had a lot of fights with dad. I never seemed to agree with at anything. I hated staying at home. That’s why I argued my way to Bangalore. I always thought, why me?? Why does everything tragic has to happen with me??
Today, I read the blog of one of my classmates from school. Her dad disowned her just because she was a girl. Never saw her face after the sixth year of her birth. That’s when I realised how wrong I was towards my dad. Even he could have disowned me. He could me thrown me in a garbage bin right after my birth. But no, he raised me. Fulfilled all my wishes; how much ever difficulty he faced yet he gave me the best of everything, branded clothes, shoes, gadgets; I am very fussy about food, that’s why I fall sick easily, though he scolded me, he didn’t neglect my treatment; got me educated from one of the best schools in my home town Siliguri. Now I am studying in one of the top colleges in not only Bangalore but also in India.
   I have now realised I am not only rebellious, but spoilt as well. Not only by my dad (mom is more strict,was always against spoiling me, but yet she is close to me) but also by my extended family……
I felt so guilty today. I called my mom and told her everything I felt. But couldn’t get the courage to talk to dad.

I am sorry Baba.

P.S. you have to agree that sometimes you were wrong as well

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Fighting life. Fighting for life

Today I watched a video.
Felt Empty And Directionless’  Deepika Padukone o…:
It’s a NDTV interview where India’s one of the top actresses, Ms. Deepika Padukone talks of her fight with depression. As I listened to what she was saying, I was constantly drifting back and forth thinking about the emotional swing I go through. She says fighting depression needs a lot of support from family, friends, counsellors, doctors. She also said there is a huge difference between being sad and being depressed. I am not sure at all whether I am sad or I am depressed. I can’t talk to my parents, because they will be too much worried about me, now that I am away from home and it’s not possible for them to come to me now and then. Friends???? I haven’t been quite lucky with friends. So here I am all by myself with just the college counsellor trying his best to help me out.
I was not like this. As far as I remember this all started when I started giving importance to some two-digit numbers printed on a sheet of paper validated by hell of stamps and signatures of various authorities. I was always cool with my studies. I never bothered to work hard. During my class 10th board exams when I scored a little low marks in science after working actually hard for it (for the first time) and faced hell lot of difficulties in getting admission to class 11, I was disheartened. Parents, relatives everyone started drilling into my brain that class 11-12 science is going to be very tough, if I don’t get a good percentage in class 12 I won’t get admission in a good college, I won’t get the subject of my choice to study, I won’t get a proper career, I will land up a mere housewife spending the rest of my life within the boundaries of the house and so on and so forth. Listening to these almost everyday, stressed me up. I started fearing. Whenever I didn’t understand something in class, I would get tensed. People around doing well in studies, stressed me more. Teachers in the new school repeatedly put me down. And i sank down and down. I worked really hard. Still no proper results. I would cry while studying. Panic. Later I would go blank in the exam hall. I leaky flunked in one or two subjects in school exams. Somehow I have my board exams. What happened? I scored worse than I had scored in class 10th. Even in English, on which I had confidence, I got a poor marks. Most of my friends did well. I was one of the few, with pore performance. Once upon a time, my parents, relatives, teachers had confidence I would come out with flying colours. Nothing happened. Lost all hopes.
Now I have no faith in positivity. That’s why even after getting admission in an esteemed college in Bangalore with my subject of choice, I am not fully happy. Even now I am scared. Even now I don’t get the result of my hard work. Lost all drop of confidence.

To top it all, I now feel I am isolated and ignored by everyone. I have no importance in anyone’s life. Nobody cares whether I exist or not. I don’t have actual friends. When I watch some youth based films or TV shows they always a group of best friends, they so understanding, one needn’t say anything, the other understand what he or she is feeling or thinking. Even around me I have seen friends like that. I also wanted friends like that. I believed, until I don’t give, I don’t get. I tried to be a good friend to people I thought to be my friends. But I feel I was never accepted. Whenever I tried sharing with them what I was going through, expecting a helping hand, I got nothing. Either, I would get no response or somebody would say things like “Don’t worry we are there for you” but won’t be there or somebody would give a more blatant answer like “I am not your mom”. It happened once, twice, thrice…. Now I think there’s something wrong with me. It’s my fault that I am all alone. I see my “friends” posting pictures having fun with friends. I can’t. I don’t have pictures like that. I, who loves going out and roaming around, hardly go out. Who will I go out? At home, mother used to always accompany even if I didn’t want get to. Now I have no one. People remember me whenever they think they can use me for something, later, whether I exist or not, no one cares. My parents care because I am there only child. But others have choice, so they just move on. Kicking me out, leaving me rejected.

I don’t even know whether whatever I am thinking is true, or it’s my over stressed up brain talking. Because I am of the notion we all are hypocrites some way or the other. And whenever I trust someone, it crumbles. And I trust people what too easily. Maybe some people just take advantage of that. I was asking myself the question “Why me?” That’s when the speaker or the celebrity who is being interviewed said, “You are not alone, we are all in this together”. Felt a bit better.
But I want to come out of this. I want to live my life, which I can’t with this burden on me.