I wish you were there
When I felt alone
I wish you hugged me
When I was morose
I wish you you cuddled me
When I was angry
I wish you made me laugh
When I was depressed
But my wish will always remain a wish
You moved on
And I remain lovelorn
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve lost all control on my temper, I feel dejected, my self esteem is running in negative. I feel lonely all the time. Nothing cheers me up for long. I’m irritated almost all the time, I burst out for no reason, any time, at anyone near me. There’s too much negativity around me. Too much psychological pressure on me. Can’t take it anymore. I hate waking up in the morning. I’m fed up of everything. Worst part, I don’t know what I actually want from life.
This is spoiling my relationship with friends and my parents. There’s no one who can understand me. I thought my parents would, but even they refuse to understand, they feel I’m doing this just to torture them.
Sometimes older siblings become your saviour but I don’t even have one (neither a younger).
I don’t want to torture anyone, I myself feel tortured. I feel like running away to some far away place or simply kill myself.
But I don’t have the guts to hurt myself. I don’t know what to do, crying also isn’t helping much, so I’m writing it down here.
I can’t take this pressure anymore. I want peace. I want to live the life of a normal 21 year old college girl. I want to live a burden free. I want to be happy. But not even God is listening to me
With love,
Priya….
Though it’s language or, more appropriately, speech that makes humans different from other mammals or animals in general. But it is language itself that brings differences among the humans.
Though I’ve been staying in Bangalore since a year and a half, I still don’t understand it’s chief language Kannada. Neither do I understand the other popular languages – Tamil, Malayalam and Telugu. Yes, I agree it’s my fault, I should have taken the initiative.
Because I didn’t know Kannada, the localites didn’t misbehave with me, that’s a good thing. I have been managing to survive here with my knowledge of English and Hindi.
But this language differences often made me feel out of place in college. Most of my classmates are from Bangalore itself, so they are fluent in Kannada. We all have a tendency to talk in our language with our friends, that way we are more comfortable. But I didn’t understand a word of their conversations. Often I would say “please translate”, sometimes they would, sometimes they would dismiss saying, “it’s not so important”. That’s the reason why I experienced a little problem in mingling with people, which I didn’t experience before. Earlier I wouldn’t take much time in mingling with people. But now I do. I feel all the more lonely. I feel the urge to leave this city as soon as possible.
